Maturity level?

2 days ago was my birthday. Im officially 19yo but I believe that age doesnt really matter now. Looking back, its been three years since I broke up with my ex and approximately two and half years into the relationship with my current. Comparing the old me and now me, I personally dont think that I have changed alot over the years, both on the looks and level of maturity. I just think differently now compared to me in the past.

In the past, I always liked to fantasize about stuff and spend most of my time daydreaming. What did I get out of all those daydreaming? Nothing. Other than getting myself a gf before O levels and having her breaking up with me two months after. Nothing more. Breaking up hurts alot and trust me, you dont need a reason to initiate a break up. You may say that I was just living in denial, but till this day, I never questioned her why she made that decision. I suppose that I was too immature and Im never good enough. And so from then on I told myself I need to mature up. However, people have different perspective of being mature. On the serious note, I can be mature and not fool around like I normally do. But on the lighter note, I find it hard to not be myself. Saying someone immature is simply saying that you dont like that person's attitude towards a certain subject. Disagree with me up to you, but thats what I found out in these three years.

After I got together with my current gf, I realised that relationships arent easy to maintain and its not just about dating. You go into a relationship, hoping it will last till the day you die and try to make that a reality. When problems arise, communicate with each other. Know whats going on exactly and so you can find the solution. Breaking up shouldnt be the first solution that comes to mind and if it happens to you, admit it, either you are a player or you are a player. There have been many ups and downs in my current relationship but I will say, thats what makes me cherish the relationship more than before. Its not easy to keep her as my "dear" for two and a half years if we dont put in the effort to sustain this rs. Like my friend said, "What comes easy dont last, what lasts dont come easy." Of cos there are times where I have felt that being single is so much better, but the grass is always greener on the other side. Sometimes having a rs can a blessing or it can be burden depending on how you see it. Sadly, I see it as a burden . But its a burden that Im willing to carry, as long as its worth it. Fucked up it may seems, but who knows? In the future my thinking may change again.

For my friends who have just broken up recently, I understand your pain and feelings. But leave all those negative feelings at night or at home. Cry your heart out if you want but just know that if you are hoping your ex gives a fuck, well no. He/She will not. Life is cruel and in your face. BAM! Overnight, you are single again. What can you do? Nothing. Just know that anything can happen in the future and if you are looking for that slight glimpse of hope for reconciliation, dont waste your effort. You may seem lonely now, but hey! Look around you. All your friends are here for you no matter what happens!