It sucks. It really does.

Life has never went where I have wanted it to be. Plans made in the past and plans made now are totally different. Why? People around me have changed, I have changed. For the better or worse I cant decide for myself. That small little self-esteem of mine has been stopping me in conveying what I want to say to people or do what I wanted to do. There are consequences to that and of cos I have to suffer from it. Problems cannot be solved and I cant or rather, I dont dare to do anything about it. I only know that crying every night, slamming the keyboard while gaming, shouting into my bolster, running everyday can take your mind off your problems for that short period of time, but it wont solve them. Ultimately, if you are not gonna solve the problem then you have to learn to fuck care, continue walking and not look back. Fuck this fuck that, see, you will no longer feel pain or sad or worried, etc. Numb is the correct word.

Coming to choices in life, to make the right choice you have to make sacrifices. What sucks the most is that you wont know what is the right choice for yourself until the sacrifices have been made and then you see the whole picture. "Learn from your mistakes and move on." I can learn from my mistakes, I can move on. Just that it isnt as easy as many, including me, have thought before. What if you made the wrong choice? Too bad to say, but go emo, then find your motivation and look for a way out. If your wrong choice concerns other people too then you have to take them into consideration and your course of action will not be the same. You cant possibly force other people to listen to you and do as you wish, because they are humans and they have their own thinking too. You wouldnt like to be forced to do something you dont want to right? Maybe because I have this mindset thus I aint close with my family. I used to be that spoilt, wanting everything that I see, wanting everything to go my way, then I got beat up by my parents so badly and that I swore to myself Im never gonna seek help from them anymore. Thats bullshit of cos. Who can survive without their parents? But since then, I seldom talk to them, no longer confide to them my problems, because I strongly believe if I can tackle the problems myself I will, if I cant, I avoid the problem by not give a shit about it. Hahahah ninja yo.

Coming back to what I do everyday now, its really stressful when people dont reply your text or email regarding important stuff. I mean you do check your email everyday right? You do see that the email is of a relatively high importance right? You are a regular right? Ok thats abit too personal hahaha. Well, Im here trying to get the job done so that my boss doesnt lose his face in front of all the other big shots. So why cant people just cooperate with me? Fuck you, you, you and you. Yes Im pissed most of the time at work because of those MFs who dont cooperate or arent responsive. Dulan.