WHINE SOMEMORE LA

Work is tough. Living up to other people's expectation isnt easy at all. Especially when Im a newbie and all of you expect me to perform like an expert/pro/whatever. I admit that I have stagefright. Ironically, I used to perform my wushu in front of the whole school back in primary school. But yes, I need someone/anyone to stay beside me to give me the moral booster for me to gain my posture and confidence. Otherwise, I will freak out and everything that I have prepared will go down the drain, go to waste. Not to mention just because of a simple miscommunication, all eyes will be on me and as if Im in the wrong. I try my best in what I do, but trying the best doesnt mean the results produced will be the best yknow? So you cant scrutinize everything I do and fault me for every single little mistake I make. So what about all the good work I have done? Where's my praises? Nothing? I still move on and do my work regardless yknow? Its like when you are so high up in the working sector, you will no longer understand the pains of those working below you. Its so unfair but then again I have always said, "What's fair in this world?"

The other thing on my mind is the problem with parents. Parents are never easy to deal with. Especially the generation today, parents are so overprotective and kids became so pampered. We are an military organization. It may be a conscripted army but it's definitely not a school or kindergarten for your kids to run everywhere without rules and regulation. Yes there are phone numbers for yall to call but do you think its necessary to call directly into the headquarters? Numbers are not to be abused. Does that mean that I can call yall anytime in the night just to get you up to pee? Would you like that? Some things that have no particular reason or principle behind them, or rather that particular reason/principle is too ugly for people to know, why would you purposely want to rake it up? Would you like it when outsiders rake up your dirty little secrets? Apart from this, I also know everyone has their own job scopes. Although I say that helping each other out is good, it is still best you do your own shit so that you have full control and thus being able to  ensure quality results. And if you ever get to divert the work to someone else, let me give you a warning: Dont gloat in front of him. Dont let him see your fucking smirk. I swear that it's fucking disturbing and unpleasant to see that and it will definitely enrage you. Come'on you wont want to see me angry. You wont know what I will do to you.

I just want to feel important, feel appreciated. Not to be taken granted for. Is it that hard? Then for what reason am I trying so hard? How I wish I could punch all your fuck faces and not go to jail. HOW I WISH I COULD.